Just wanted to post what has been going on around here. We have been very busy and I have been dealing with some "depression" issues in trying to realize that JM is very delayed and this is not what I had envisioned for his life! That being said...and I am no writer I just wanted to share that this does not mean we love him any less, but it is a process of accepting and enjoying the milestones he does reach instead of being upset by the ones he has not.
I have completed another mound of paperwork and he will be seen by a neuro MD that specializes in delays and making sure the correct diagnosis is made so we can get him the best help!
Please continue to pray for our family as we adjust to this bend in the road...at times it feels overwhelming, but I know that JM is part of our family and has always been intended to be so!!
A friend posted the following poem on her blog and it is how I feel.
Welcome to Holland - Emily Perl Kingsley
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this ...
When you're going to have a baby; it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip . to Italy. You can buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Colosseum the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. Its all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes and says "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a new language and you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And the rest of your life, you will say "Yes that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I planned".
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.
But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.
Realizing HOLLAND is a great place is taking sometime but with the help of great friends and family as well as our Heavenly Father I know we will enjoy the trip!
Another poem that I found that really says what I am feeling is the following:
And God Said "No"
I asked God to take away my pride.
And God said "No".
He said it was not for him to take away,
but for me to give it up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
And God said "No".
He said his spirit was whole,
his body was only temporary.
I asked God to grant me patience.
And God said "No".
He said patience is a by-product of tribulations.
It isn't granted, it is earned.
I asked God to give me happiness.
And God said "No".
He said he gives me blessings, happiness is up to me.
I asked God to spare me pain.
And God said "No".
He said suffering draws you apart
from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow.
And God said "No".
He said I must grow on my own.
But he will prune me to make me fruitful.
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life.
And God said "No".
He said I will give you life, that you may enjoy all things.
I asked God to help me LOVE others,
as much as he loves me.
And God said,
Ah, finally you have the idea.
~ Claudia Weisz ~
Our Heavenly father is LOVE and we are so LUCKY!
Barb
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